Dr. Sydney Nelloms
Just Keep Swimming: Navigating the Waters when Imposter Syndrome Makes You Feel Less Empowered
@DrSydNelloms
I almost can’t believe it when people address me this way. While I know that I spent the last 10 years in school getting three degrees, it still feels a bit surreal. I earned it, but some part of me still feels like there is more that I should have done to deserve this title. This is completely irrational, but these feelings are often a reality for Black women. Research has shown that we are the most educated group in the country, yet we are still underpaid, overworked, and undervalued. Like Black women in other fields, I was subjected to institutional racism while matriculating through my criminology graduate programs. My intersectional identities of Blackness made me a target for microaggressions, but also for overt racism. Consistently being told that your goals are “ambitious” and having faculty not only second guess you at every turn, but also withdrawing support when you need it the most is devastating and demoralizing.
However, it was in these experiences that I discovered my love of teaching and engaging with students, particularly students of color. I taught my first class as a second-year doctoral student, and while it was extremely nerve-wracking, this cemented my understanding of my life’s purpose. I was built for this—built for educating the next generation and built for providing positive representation for students who look and identify like me. These situations that I endured only helped push me to be the best educator and mentor for my students. My students would walk up to me after class and thank me for being there, because they finally had someone who made them feel seen.
For me, it is not just about curriculum and meeting academic milestones. It is about those moments where students feel comfortable enough talking to me about personal things going on in their lives and asking me to write letters of recommendation for graduate programs and future employment. Amid my mess, I found the reason for my test. I am not writing this to discourage you from anything that may be posing some challenges in your life. I am, however, reminding you that we will all go through things in life (both personal and professional). Yet, it is not the problems that define us. It is how we address them. If I had not experienced these circumstances, I would not have had this testimony to share with my students. There will always be naysayers who will try and denigrate you into believing that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. I am here to remind you that as long as you believe in yourself, anything is possible. When they try to bury you, always remember that you are a seed, and that you are destined to grow.
Dr. Sydney M. Nelloms is an Assistant Professor in the Sociology department at Southern Connecticut State University. She received her B.S. in Criminology from the University of West Georgia, her M.S. in Criminology and Criminal Justice from California State University, Long Beach, and her Ph.D. in Criminal Justice and Criminology from Georgia State University. As such, she is a criminologist by trade. Her work centers around Queer Criminology, which consists of Queer people as victims, offenders, and practitioners in the criminal justice system. Her dissertation explored a subset of this research, as it analyzed the violent and nonviolent victimization risk and subsequent health outcomes of Black Queer college students. Her additional research interests are victimology, race and crime, LGBTQ+ issues, and hate crimes. She enjoys mentoring and advising students, participating in various service projects, and being a form of positive representation to the students that she serves.
However, it was in these experiences that I discovered my love of teaching and engaging with students, particularly students of color. I taught my first class as a second-year doctoral student, and while it was extremely nerve-wracking, this cemented my understanding of my life’s purpose. I was built for this—built for educating the next generation and built for providing positive representation for students who look and identify like me. These situations that I endured only helped push me to be the best educator and mentor for my students. My students would walk up to me after class and thank me for being there, because they finally had someone who made them feel seen.
For me, it is not just about curriculum and meeting academic milestones. It is about those moments where students feel comfortable enough talking to me about personal things going on in their lives and asking me to write letters of recommendation for graduate programs and future employment. Amid my mess, I found the reason for my test. I am not writing this to discourage you from anything that may be posing some challenges in your life. I am, however, reminding you that we will all go through things in life (both personal and professional). Yet, it is not the problems that define us. It is how we address them. If I had not experienced these circumstances, I would not have had this testimony to share with my students. There will always be naysayers who will try and denigrate you into believing that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. I am here to remind you that as long as you believe in yourself, anything is possible. When they try to bury you, always remember that you are a seed, and that you are destined to grow.
Dr. Sydney M. Nelloms is an Assistant Professor in the Sociology department at Southern Connecticut State University. She received her B.S. in Criminology from the University of West Georgia, her M.S. in Criminology and Criminal Justice from California State University, Long Beach, and her Ph.D. in Criminal Justice and Criminology from Georgia State University. As such, she is a criminologist by trade. Her work centers around Queer Criminology, which consists of Queer people as victims, offenders, and practitioners in the criminal justice system. Her dissertation explored a subset of this research, as it analyzed the violent and nonviolent victimization risk and subsequent health outcomes of Black Queer college students. Her additional research interests are victimology, race and crime, LGBTQ+ issues, and hate crimes. She enjoys mentoring and advising students, participating in various service projects, and being a form of positive representation to the students that she serves.