Well, That’s a Dumb Rule! How Rules, Relationships, and Responsibility Intermingle
Rufus Lott, III @lott_edu
@lott_edu
Have you ever scolded a student to hear, "Well, that’s a dumb rule!” Then, your frustration level rises, and you begin to think, "Why don't they just follow the rules?". Rules play a very special role, not only in society but throughout the fabric of our school system. If a student breaks a rule, there must be a consequence to teach the student a lesson, enacting a process that sets the school administrator, teacher, and most importantly the student down a path of failure. When this archaic understanding of the enforcement of rules happens, and behaviors don’t change, educators all over the country are left feeling frustrated and powerless because expectations aren’t met, behavior doesn’t change, and there doesn’t seem to be a viable solution to the school discipline problem. If it is our goal as educators to move toward better solutions and changed behavior, we must first address the biggest misconception plaguing our profession, and it is rooted in the word DISCIPLINE.
As a former middle school administrator who transitioned from the classroom to the front office at the age of 28, I was thrust into an unknown world. When I was given my Walkie-Talkie and keys to the building, by default, I became the campus disciplinarian. I was now responsible for changing the behavior of my students who broke the rules or persistently misbehaved by enacting sequences and matrices that ultimately led to them being excluded from campus. I was forced by policy, law, or protocol to rely on the three archaic tools of behavior management given to every administrator who has occupied the role of disciplinarian; In School Suspension, Out of School Suspension, and some loss of privilege to change the behavior of the students who were causing the most disruptions to the learning environment. When those things didn’t work, I was forced to re-issue those said consequences in longer durations, or with more frequency. Doing this over and over again, experiencing student behavior recidivism, and chasing a solution to an ever-growing problem, I set out to understand the true meaning of the word DISCIPLINE.
Typically, in education, the word DISCIPLINE has a very negative connotation. When we think of the word discipline, we usually think of consequences (In School Suspension (ISS), Out of School Suspension (OSS), detention, punishment, etc.). But the true meaning of the word discipline is simply to teach or to train. It is rooted in the word discipleship. This meaning makes perfect sense in the context of a “discipline referral.” Instead of the discipline referral being the beginning of a process that ultimately will lead to a consequence or punishment, the referral should be designed in a way to teach and train the student, who is experiencing a behavioral breakdown, to live up to the behavioral expectations. That teaching and training of the student cannot be done in isolation, but rather as a collective effort between the person who has submitted the discipline referral and the student who is breaking the rules.
This is where the violation of rules must become violations of relationships. If our goal in schools is to build, maintain, and sustain relationships, then every violation of rule can be broken down to a breach of relationship. For instance, if two individuals have a positive, long-lasting friendship and one friend decides to steal something from the other person anger, frustration, and distrust by the victim, inhibits their ability to maintain their friendship. Stealing, which we will consider the rule, has now become a part of their relationship and it is up to the two friends to decide how to get stealing out of the middle of their relationship so that they can figure out how to forgive and to move forward amicably. In school when a student becomes disrespectful or uses profanity toward an adult or another student, we must ask what the status of the relationship is and what has broken down where profanity or disrespect has become apart of it. When we see rules for more than inanimate objects written on the wall and see the violations of rules as violations of relationship, we then give those rules heartbeats and feelings because accountability will reside in how they choose to redeem themselves to the individuals and relationships that they have violated. This requires us to change our mindset and understanding of how our consequence system works and to develop protocols and opportunities for students to participate in opportunities to make situations right, and ultimately hold themselves accountable. But how can that happen?
When a basic school rule is broken, many educators walk the path towards a consequence asking themselves questions such as; What rule was broken? Who broke the rule? What punishment should be given? Instead, we should be taking a more progressive approach that leads towards accountability by asking questions such as: What happened? Who has been impacted by what occurs? What can be done to make things right? These questions are rooted in the basic principles of restorative practices and lead towards meaningful accountability while preserving and keeping the relationship with the student at the center of every interaction.
When we change the approach to managing student behaviors, and slow down to understand the core root of a problem we are more likely to guide our students toward meaningful accountability where they experience how their behavior is impacting others. Meaningful accountability over punishment is the key to reducing recidivism and moving forward in a way that is practical and meets the needs of all persons involved.
Every violation of a rule can be boiled down to a breakdown, or breach, of a relationship. This is why we must be careful to build, maintain, and sustain positive relationships with students so when that relationship breaks down, we can now go back and discuss how the rule has impacted the relationship, and what needs to be done to make the situation right?
Instead of hearing, "That's a dumb rule," students are now more apt to accept responsibility, which results in the ultimate goal of the word DISCIPLINE-to teach and train.
Mr. Rufus Lott III is the founder of LOTT Educational Consultants and lead consultant specializing in the area of Restorative Practices in schools. Most recently Mr. Lott served the North East Independent School District in San Antonio, TX as the Assistant Principal of Edward H. White Middle School. Mr. Lott played an instrumental role in the development, and implementation of restorative practices as an alternative method to deal with managing student behavior. This innovative, whole school approach model was the first of its kind in the state of Texas, and has been considered the blueprint that many campuses across the state of Texas are following.
Mr. Lott has 12 years of experience in public education in elementary and middle school as a classroom practitioner and administrator. As a former administrator Mr. Lott’s passion is rooted in social justice, and working with educators to better serve diverse student populations. His focus is on teaching real-life, applicable, strategies that are essential for educators to utilize when working with both students and teachers. Today, he teaches restorative practices to teachers and administrators as an alternative method to exclusion, and as a means to build positive relationships and strong communities through dialogue using the circle process.
As a former middle school administrator who transitioned from the classroom to the front office at the age of 28, I was thrust into an unknown world. When I was given my Walkie-Talkie and keys to the building, by default, I became the campus disciplinarian. I was now responsible for changing the behavior of my students who broke the rules or persistently misbehaved by enacting sequences and matrices that ultimately led to them being excluded from campus. I was forced by policy, law, or protocol to rely on the three archaic tools of behavior management given to every administrator who has occupied the role of disciplinarian; In School Suspension, Out of School Suspension, and some loss of privilege to change the behavior of the students who were causing the most disruptions to the learning environment. When those things didn’t work, I was forced to re-issue those said consequences in longer durations, or with more frequency. Doing this over and over again, experiencing student behavior recidivism, and chasing a solution to an ever-growing problem, I set out to understand the true meaning of the word DISCIPLINE.
Typically, in education, the word DISCIPLINE has a very negative connotation. When we think of the word discipline, we usually think of consequences (In School Suspension (ISS), Out of School Suspension (OSS), detention, punishment, etc.). But the true meaning of the word discipline is simply to teach or to train. It is rooted in the word discipleship. This meaning makes perfect sense in the context of a “discipline referral.” Instead of the discipline referral being the beginning of a process that ultimately will lead to a consequence or punishment, the referral should be designed in a way to teach and train the student, who is experiencing a behavioral breakdown, to live up to the behavioral expectations. That teaching and training of the student cannot be done in isolation, but rather as a collective effort between the person who has submitted the discipline referral and the student who is breaking the rules.
This is where the violation of rules must become violations of relationships. If our goal in schools is to build, maintain, and sustain relationships, then every violation of rule can be broken down to a breach of relationship. For instance, if two individuals have a positive, long-lasting friendship and one friend decides to steal something from the other person anger, frustration, and distrust by the victim, inhibits their ability to maintain their friendship. Stealing, which we will consider the rule, has now become a part of their relationship and it is up to the two friends to decide how to get stealing out of the middle of their relationship so that they can figure out how to forgive and to move forward amicably. In school when a student becomes disrespectful or uses profanity toward an adult or another student, we must ask what the status of the relationship is and what has broken down where profanity or disrespect has become apart of it. When we see rules for more than inanimate objects written on the wall and see the violations of rules as violations of relationship, we then give those rules heartbeats and feelings because accountability will reside in how they choose to redeem themselves to the individuals and relationships that they have violated. This requires us to change our mindset and understanding of how our consequence system works and to develop protocols and opportunities for students to participate in opportunities to make situations right, and ultimately hold themselves accountable. But how can that happen?
When a basic school rule is broken, many educators walk the path towards a consequence asking themselves questions such as; What rule was broken? Who broke the rule? What punishment should be given? Instead, we should be taking a more progressive approach that leads towards accountability by asking questions such as: What happened? Who has been impacted by what occurs? What can be done to make things right? These questions are rooted in the basic principles of restorative practices and lead towards meaningful accountability while preserving and keeping the relationship with the student at the center of every interaction.
When we change the approach to managing student behaviors, and slow down to understand the core root of a problem we are more likely to guide our students toward meaningful accountability where they experience how their behavior is impacting others. Meaningful accountability over punishment is the key to reducing recidivism and moving forward in a way that is practical and meets the needs of all persons involved.
Every violation of a rule can be boiled down to a breakdown, or breach, of a relationship. This is why we must be careful to build, maintain, and sustain positive relationships with students so when that relationship breaks down, we can now go back and discuss how the rule has impacted the relationship, and what needs to be done to make the situation right?
Instead of hearing, "That's a dumb rule," students are now more apt to accept responsibility, which results in the ultimate goal of the word DISCIPLINE-to teach and train.
Mr. Rufus Lott III is the founder of LOTT Educational Consultants and lead consultant specializing in the area of Restorative Practices in schools. Most recently Mr. Lott served the North East Independent School District in San Antonio, TX as the Assistant Principal of Edward H. White Middle School. Mr. Lott played an instrumental role in the development, and implementation of restorative practices as an alternative method to deal with managing student behavior. This innovative, whole school approach model was the first of its kind in the state of Texas, and has been considered the blueprint that many campuses across the state of Texas are following.
Mr. Lott has 12 years of experience in public education in elementary and middle school as a classroom practitioner and administrator. As a former administrator Mr. Lott’s passion is rooted in social justice, and working with educators to better serve diverse student populations. His focus is on teaching real-life, applicable, strategies that are essential for educators to utilize when working with both students and teachers. Today, he teaches restorative practices to teachers and administrators as an alternative method to exclusion, and as a means to build positive relationships and strong communities through dialogue using the circle process.