Before parents can help their children establish and maintain good mental health, parents have to first define what mental health looks like within their environment(s). I am not referring to the clinical definition of mental health, but more so how families create stability within the lives of their children. For example, as parents, we have the tendency to bring the stressors of work into our home environments. Our children sense this and feel this. When we are speaking to them, are we speaking in a tone that provides reassurance or one that exudes levels of anxiousness? When we as parents have defined what it means to have good mental health, then and only then, will we be able to install this in our children.
Once we have established what it means to create stability within the lives of our children, we then must take in consideration what we, parents, are doing to practice good mental health in our own lives. What does our daily self-care look like? How are we empowering our hearts, minds, and bodies with positive affirmations in the face of adversity? In a nutshell, are we really looking out for ourselves or are we running on fumes hoping that life and all its circumstances will eventually even out so that we too may finally be at peace with self?
Parents, be honest with yourselves and make the necessary changes in your life so that you are able to model what good mental health looks like for your children. Once you have done this, you are then emotionally and mentally ready to establish this practice in the lives of your children.
The first step in establishing and maintaining good mental health in our children is talking to them and not at them. Our children need us to hear their successes and concerns without judgment. They need to know that even in their mistakes we are available to listen. Yes, we may not approve their decisions and there may be consequences for the choices made. Yet, we must be available to listen to our children without being harsh or judgmental. This helps our children feel heard and will improve their self-esteem as we are our children’s first teachers and cheerleaders.
Secondly, help your child identify who they are as an individual and not how others perceive them. Often I have seen as a public education school psychologist that children will create identities not of their own for fear that they won’t fit in with the popular group. As parents, we have to teach our children that they are beautiful and unique just the way they are. They should never have to re-create their identities for others to like them. If they must do this, then they should ask themselves one question. Would this person/these people do this for me? If the answer is no, then they (our child/children) need to re-evaluate said friendship(s) as they may not be in our child/children’s best interest. Teaching our children to align themselves with positive energy and positive thinkers will help ensure that their mental health remains in tack.
The third step is to ensure that we are aware of our children’s circle of friends. Know who your children are spending their time with and how are these individuals influencing your children’s social and emotional needs. If your parent sensors are telling you something isn’t right, often the relationship is not the best fit for your child. Let your child know your concerns without being argumentative or judgmental as once they leave home, those individuals are still there. Help your child identify what it means to be a friend and define their expectations for their friendships. If it doesn’t fit, then let it go before it even starts as it may do more harm than good.
Fourth, it is important that we as parents seek community supports and services if our child/children are experiencing mental health issues. Often as parents, we fear our child being labeled or placed on medication because their needs are different. Some even hope that with a little more discipline or tough love the issue(s) will go away. What if it does not go away? What will this mean for your child? What will this mean for your family? Mental illness occurs due to an alteration in the brain that may be chemical, environmental, or unknown. It can be scary for the child and/or the family. Seek help for your child. Never be afraid to ask for help. Counseling services and/or medical intervention may be an appropriate means to create stability in your child’s life. Never allow society’s stigma regarding mental illness to influence your decision on doing what is in your child’s best interest.
Fifth, teach your child how to practice daily self-care. This may be through speaking positive words of affirmation in the mirror once a day. This may be journaling. This may be coloring. Whatever it takes for your child to love themselves for who they are is another means of helping them establish and maintain good mental health.
Finally, as parents, we have to accept that our children are living in different times. What we were able to go through and survive in our day is not the same for our children. We must be vigilant in who our children associate with and how these individuals treat our children. We must be cognizant of how we speak to our children as if we are not careful, they will find support from others who may not have their best interest at heart.
To learn more about April Lisbon-Peoples click here!
Once we have established what it means to create stability within the lives of our children, we then must take in consideration what we, parents, are doing to practice good mental health in our own lives. What does our daily self-care look like? How are we empowering our hearts, minds, and bodies with positive affirmations in the face of adversity? In a nutshell, are we really looking out for ourselves or are we running on fumes hoping that life and all its circumstances will eventually even out so that we too may finally be at peace with self?
Parents, be honest with yourselves and make the necessary changes in your life so that you are able to model what good mental health looks like for your children. Once you have done this, you are then emotionally and mentally ready to establish this practice in the lives of your children.
The first step in establishing and maintaining good mental health in our children is talking to them and not at them. Our children need us to hear their successes and concerns without judgment. They need to know that even in their mistakes we are available to listen. Yes, we may not approve their decisions and there may be consequences for the choices made. Yet, we must be available to listen to our children without being harsh or judgmental. This helps our children feel heard and will improve their self-esteem as we are our children’s first teachers and cheerleaders.
Secondly, help your child identify who they are as an individual and not how others perceive them. Often I have seen as a public education school psychologist that children will create identities not of their own for fear that they won’t fit in with the popular group. As parents, we have to teach our children that they are beautiful and unique just the way they are. They should never have to re-create their identities for others to like them. If they must do this, then they should ask themselves one question. Would this person/these people do this for me? If the answer is no, then they (our child/children) need to re-evaluate said friendship(s) as they may not be in our child/children’s best interest. Teaching our children to align themselves with positive energy and positive thinkers will help ensure that their mental health remains in tack.
The third step is to ensure that we are aware of our children’s circle of friends. Know who your children are spending their time with and how are these individuals influencing your children’s social and emotional needs. If your parent sensors are telling you something isn’t right, often the relationship is not the best fit for your child. Let your child know your concerns without being argumentative or judgmental as once they leave home, those individuals are still there. Help your child identify what it means to be a friend and define their expectations for their friendships. If it doesn’t fit, then let it go before it even starts as it may do more harm than good.
Fourth, it is important that we as parents seek community supports and services if our child/children are experiencing mental health issues. Often as parents, we fear our child being labeled or placed on medication because their needs are different. Some even hope that with a little more discipline or tough love the issue(s) will go away. What if it does not go away? What will this mean for your child? What will this mean for your family? Mental illness occurs due to an alteration in the brain that may be chemical, environmental, or unknown. It can be scary for the child and/or the family. Seek help for your child. Never be afraid to ask for help. Counseling services and/or medical intervention may be an appropriate means to create stability in your child’s life. Never allow society’s stigma regarding mental illness to influence your decision on doing what is in your child’s best interest.
Fifth, teach your child how to practice daily self-care. This may be through speaking positive words of affirmation in the mirror once a day. This may be journaling. This may be coloring. Whatever it takes for your child to love themselves for who they are is another means of helping them establish and maintain good mental health.
Finally, as parents, we have to accept that our children are living in different times. What we were able to go through and survive in our day is not the same for our children. We must be vigilant in who our children associate with and how these individuals treat our children. We must be cognizant of how we speak to our children as if we are not careful, they will find support from others who may not have their best interest at heart.
To learn more about April Lisbon-Peoples click here!